Unmasking the Subconscious: How Understanding Our Emotions and Needs Can Transform Our Behaviors

Our behaviors are powerful forms of communication from our subconscious mind, signaling that something essential has not been fulfilled. The subconscious brain is deeply emotional, sensitive to our feelings, and heavily influences our thoughts and actions. Often, we’re unaware of this internal process and may not recognize when our behaviors are working against our well-being.

How Emotional Avoidance Fuels Substance Dependence

When we experience strong emotions but avoid processing them, we unwittingly train our subconscious to sidestep those feelings. This avoidance pattern becomes habitual, leading us to do almost anything to dodge discomfort. For some, this path can lead to substance abuse, where drugs or alcohol provide a temporary escape from painful emotions. But what if those intense cravings for substances were not just a need for the substance itself, but a deeper desire to avoid feeling certain emotions? Could addressing the underlying cause of that emotional avoidance reduce the need for the substance?

Years ago, I unknowingly began relying on alcohol to numb the pain of undiagnosed endometriosis. At the time, I would drink nightly—not excessively, but consistently. For four or five years, I functioned in what might be called a "gray area" of alcohol use, where I wasn’t outwardly struggling but still used alcohol regularly to cope with my pain. After a hysterectomy, the pain subsided, and with it, my desire to drink. My daily habit dropped to an occasional glass of wine per month. The only change was the removal of my physical pain.

The subconscious plays a powerful role in connecting emotions, pain, and behaviors. Substance abuse is often an avoidance mechanism—a way to shield oneself from the underlying pain or emotional struggle. What if, through understanding these root causes, we could reduce the cravings and reliance on unhealthy substances?

How the Subconscious Drives Behavior

Not all behaviors are rooted in pain or emotional avoidance; some are driven by the subconscious desire to satisfy an unmet need. Our minds are hard-wired to seek certain essential needs to live a balanced and healthy life. When one of these needs isn’t met, our subconscious steps in, often expressing this need through our behaviors.

For example, humans are naturally wired to seek connection and social support. If a child isn’t receiving this, they may exhibit attention-seeking behaviors as their subconscious attempts to fulfill that need. However, some of these attention-seeking behaviors may end up causing more harm to the child and family. Identifying why a child feels disconnected or unsupported is the first step to understanding and addressing the behavior. Once the underlying "why" is identified, steps can be taken to meet that need, reducing the subconscious drive behind the behavior.

Listening to the Subconscious for Lasting Change

In essence, behaviors are the mind’s way of signaling that something isn’t right. By getting to the root cause of these behaviors, we can better understand the subconscious messages and work toward positive change.

Learning about your emotions and the motivations behind your actions can empower you to manage challenging behaviors. Awareness can start you on the path to end the cycle of self-sabotage, helping you understand why you keep doing something despite knowing it’s not healthy.

Behavior is more than action—it’s a conversation with our subconscious, a message about unmet needs or unprocessed feelings. When we learn to listen to this conversation, we open the door to genuine transformation.